pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
