he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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