Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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