This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
