I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
