I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
