I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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