You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
