I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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