Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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