Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
