i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
