I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
