Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
