listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
