I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
