He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
