Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
