There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
