fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
