How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
