guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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