Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
People in love make me want to vomit
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
