she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My balls are so social today.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
