i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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