Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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