My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
