he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
