even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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