RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
