Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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