The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
