yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
