I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
