Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
