Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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