so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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