I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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