I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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