Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
