Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
