woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
