So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
