Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
