I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
