Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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