real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
