It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
