why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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