YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
