So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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