Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
