You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
