I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
