I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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